I wrote a few poems for children and read them at a library’s story time. The parents were less than pleased and screamed at me to leave. I don’t know what I did wrong. My mother used to read me poems like them all the time when I was a kid.
Well, here are the poems. Maybe you can tell me why they aren’t kid friendly.
Little Billy Went to Town,
Little Billy Met a Clown
The Clown gave Billy a buck
Then Little Billy got hit by a truck
Sunny Suzy had a doll
She loved it to bits
The doll was filled with lead
Which gave Sunny Suzy fits
All the little puppies came out to play
Look at them romp around,
In their little puppy way
They chew on the table
And pee on the floor
And leave a special surprise
Just outside the door
Damn puppies!
The sun is shining brightly
And the sand waits to be traversed
We’re stuck in the Namib Desert
And we’re gonna die of thirst
My love is deep
Deeper than a well
But it’s not for you, jerkoff
I hope you rot in hell
Cartopia 
I simply can’t imagine why your poems made the parents mad. I mean it seems pretty kid friendly especially when compared to fairy tales of the big bad wolf or the cannibalistic hag who was going to eat Hansel and Gretel or the endearing gingerbread man gets eaten by the fox or the wolf eating the duck in Peter and the Wolf. Hmmm….maybe it was the ‘rot in hell’ sentence.
That’s true. I should make a fairy tale about a cannibalistic wolf hag who eats possessed men made out of dough and sentient ducks.
Ya know, Car, if your poems were filmed in Hollywood, they’d “flop”—not violent and sexual enough, even for the kids Hollywood makes films for…
Really? I should pitch these to Hollywood! Then again, these are intended for the under five crowd. I don’t know if Hollywood is interested in that demographic.
LOL! They’re no worse than actual fairy tales 😉
And I didn’t have anyone get decapitated, have their eyes gouged out, or cut portions of their feet off to fit into shoes. 🙂