Health Grannie Attacks!!!!!!!!


I recently posted a story about a health genie grandma who forced kids to eat healthy. I’ve decided to turn her into a mascot for parents to use when their kids refuse to eat their vegetables, or shun their casserole.  Introducing:

The Health Grannie!

Eat healthy, boys and girls. You wouldn’t want to make the Health Grannie mad, would you?

Doesn’t she just inspire you? I’m sure kids will look at this picture and dream of her chasing them with a tray full of carrots. I bet the little tykes will never put another pea or piece of liver under their napkin again.

My Poems For Kids Just Made Parents Mad


I wrote a few poems for children and read them at a library’s story time. The parents were less than pleased and screamed at me to leave. I don’t know what I did wrong. My mother used to read me poems like them all the time when I was a kid.

Well, here are the poems. Maybe you can tell me why they aren’t kid friendly.

Little Billy Went to Town,

Little Billy Met a Clown

The Clown gave Billy a buck

Then Little Billy got hit by a truck

 

Sunny Suzy had a doll

She loved it to bits

The doll was filled with lead

Which gave Sunny Suzy fits

 

All the little puppies came out to play

Look at them romp around,

In their little puppy way

They chew on the table

And pee on the floor

And leave a special surprise

Just outside the door

Damn puppies!

 

The sun is shining brightly

And the sand waits to be traversed

We’re stuck in the Namib Desert

And we’re gonna die of thirst

 

My love is deep

Deeper than a well

But it’s not for you, jerkoff

I hope you rot in hell