On Raising Escargot


A lot of people spend tons of money on escargot, which is just snails. I decided to get into the snail farming business and sell my wares to French restaurants around town. First, I prepared a cardboard box for my slimy friends. I didn’t have any food to put in the box, so I just put in a bunch of IOUs and hoped the snails wouldn’t mind. Then, I went to the local park and gathered some snails from the roses. I didn’t have any fancy snail catching gear, but a pillowcase worked just fine.

After getting about fifty snails, I dumped the pillowcase into the box and taped an old mesh shirt over the top to keep them inside. Then I took the box around town, looking for snail food. I wanted to respect my snails, so I didn’t get any boring flowers or plants. Instead, I went to a drive through and ordered some burgers and a few shakes. The workers ragged on my lack of car and box full of snails, but I ignored them. I didn’t want the snails to get upset.

The snails seemed happy with the food, or at least how I imagined happy snails to look like, so I walked home and stuck the box in my backyard. I wanted to respect the snail’s privacy, so I waited a few days to check on them.

They were all dead. đŸ˜¦ I guess they just couldn’t stand captivity and died of a broken heart. Oh well, I’ll just try again later.

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