Saint Patrick’s Day recipe for getting drunk and dry humping statues

My Saint Patrick’s Day recipe:

1. Buy a six-pack of Guinness.
2. Take home.
3. Drink.
4. Dress all in green.
5. Stagger to the local bar.
6. Order a dozen pints of Guinness.
7. Drink them all yourself.
8. Scream “Kiss me, I’m Irish!”
9. Dance on the table and toss paper shamrocks at people’s heads.
10. Get kicked out.
11. Head to another bar.
12. Buy another dozen pints of Guinness.
13. Pretend to offer them to people, but drink them all yourself.
14. Run out into the street and strip down to your green undies.
15. Dry hump a statue.
16. Wrap your arms around a mailbox and shout, “I’m a leprechaun and this is my pot of gold!”
17. Run and hide from the police.
18. Pass out while hiding in the crawl space under a stranger’s house.
19. Wake up and sneak back home.
20. Call in sick to work.
21. Sleep off hangover.

With this recipe, you will have the best St. Patrick’s day ever. Unless you end up arrested or dying from alcohol poisoning. If you end up arrested or dead, please contact me so I can get accurate statistics of the risk rates of my recipe and can warn people accordingly. Contacting me while dead might be a bit of a problem, so I’ll have a Ouija board standing by.