Review of a Movie That Doesn’t Exist – Bobby the Freak

Here’s my latest review of a movie that doesn’t exist.

Title: Bobby the Freak

Genre:  Comedy

Cast:

Bobby Malone – CGI version of Wayne Newton

Grace Malone – Julie Newmar

Jack Malone – Paul Reiser

Della Vance – Scarlett Johansson

The movie, Bobby the Freak, tells the story of Bobby Malone, a strange twenty-something man who wears odd clothing and collects dead bugs. His parents, Grace and Jack, don’t know what to do with him, so they send him off to “Camp Freakaway,” an intensive self help seminar meant to scare the normal into him. He meets a no nonsense counselor named Della, who becomes his love interest. He convinces her to help him escape camp and go on a cross country road trip to the world’s largest snow cone before it melts.

Let me tell you, this movie was pure genius. I really identified with Bobby and his freakish ways. I didn’t identify with his family life, since my parents are also as odd as I am. But that really doesn’t matter. The movie was charming and I found myself rooting for Bobby and Della’s trek, as Bobby learned to understand normal people and Della learned to unleash the freak within.

The only problem was that Bobby wasn’t enough of a freak. Sure, he did odd things and wore garish clothing, but it was mild compared to real freaks such as myself and my family. Where were the shoes made out of soap or the attempts to start a honey business by dressing as a bee and stealing a hive? But I can live with the Hollywood version of a freak if the movie’s compelling enough. And this one was. Good job, Freak Studios.

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