Review of a movie that doesn’t exist – Killer Bees with Bonnets


It’s time for another review of a movie that doesn’t exist.

Killer Bees with Bonnets

Genre:

Horror/Children’s Movie/Mafia Crime Drama

Cast:

Billy the Bee – Chuck Norris

Sally the Bee – Pamela Anderson

Tod Jones – Gary Oldman

The Bee Gang – CGI

This is by far the weirdest movie I have ever seen. It’s like someone shook the tree of movie genres and went with whatever dropped on their heads. The movie starts out with two killer bees, Billy and Sally, gathering pollen for the Annual Beestraviganza. (Instead of animation, the chose to dress the actors up in bee costumes.) They get chased by a man with bug spray, meet a nice family of fleas and head back to their hive with plenty of pollen.

Then the movie switches tone and Billy and Sally head into a smoky back room to discuss illegal shipments of sugar and getting protection money from a couple of rebellious humming birds. They send out a horde of low level thugs called the Bee Gang and a bloody scene involving feathers and humming bird stew ensues.

Billy and Sally run afoul of a police officer named Tod Jones, played by Gary Oldman.  He plays the character like his role in The Professional, despite the fact that the character is actually a noble cop and never actually does anything  crooked or shady in any way. It’s really strange to watch him help an old lady up after chasing Billy, while jerking around with a creepy drugged out smile on his lips.

The movie got even stranger after that. During a raid on the hive, Sally unleashed a potent virus on the Bee Gang, turning them into mutant killing machines. It backfired when they attacked everyone, bee and police alike, and Billy and Tod Jones had to team up to fight them, shooting their way deeper into the hive as the Bee Gang stalked them in the dark.

I still can’t figure just who the target audience of this movie is. It starts out like something you’d find on a video for five year olds, but turns into a mafia movie bloodier than the Godfather trilogy. Then it changes again into a monster movie with darkened corners and boo-factor suspense. The video actually had Horror/Children’s Movie/Mafia Crime Drama printed on it as the genre. Just what were they thinking? (I never did figure out what the bonnet in the title referred to.)

There’s no way to replicate this experience, unless you hit yourself on the head while watching cheesy children’s movies from the 70s, mafia films and monster movies. The subsequent dream may end up somewhat like Killer Bees with Bonnets.

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