Ever wished you could wear a cow fetus shirt? You’re in luck!

It’s now possible to show your love of the next collecting craze that should hit the world, if the world ever wises up and realizes that cow fetuses are the hippest, coolest, most fashionable objects in history.

So head over and grab yourself a cow fetus shirt. They come in two versions:

Black and white


 Cowfetuslogo3Realistic cow fetus colors

So  head over to http://www.zazzle.com/carjohnsonstuff and show the world that cow fetus collecting is hip and rad and whatever slang is relevant to today’s youth!*


*Note from Car’s handler:

These products will not actually show anyone that cow fetus collecting is cool. They were created for humor purposes as props for Car’s blog post and should only be worn by people who want to start awkward conversations with family and friends.


A poem for my sister and a Kitten Kittenly tee-shirt

Last night, while reading an article on criminally insane women, I was inspired to write a poem for my sister.



You’re strong and brave

And a bit insane

I wonder about you


Do you dream of daggers?

Or fluffy bunny tails?


You say you want to kill me,

But you never get it right.

I don’t think you mean it.

I love you and goodnight.


I hope she appreciates it while she tries to kill me by baking me overly salted cookies in the hope I might someday get high cholesterol.


Kitten Kittenly has a tee-shirt

My story, The Adventures of Kitten Kittenly, has it’s own tee-shirt:





The Contest for the World’s Stupidest Business Idea Has a Winner!

The votes are in for the World’s Stupidest Business Idea and the winner is:

Jennifer Oberth and her Cat Back Massage

Jennifer will get the grand prize free tee-shirt of her choice from the official Car Johnson apparel shop and a personalized music video of Car Johnson singing lyrics written specifically for her.

Since no one voted for anyone else, I am going to be nice and give the other two entrants Palemoon Twilight and C.M. Clark the second prize of personalized lyrics.

So, congratulations Jennifer! I hope your Cat Back Massage takes off and doesn’t give too many people cat scratch fever!

Contest for the World’s Stupidest Business Ideas

Today’s post will be written by my friend and creator, Rebekah Webb. It may come as a shock, but I’m not a real person. I actually live here. Well, over to Rebekah:

Hey guys! How would you like to part of something… well, not special, but incredibly fun? I’m talking about a contest. Contests have been the backbone of civilization for countless years, starting with the Og the caveman, who drew his friends’ names out of a hat to see who would get to share his new discovery of fire. Of course, writing and hats hadn’t been invented yet, so they used twigs representing their names and the skull of a captured intruder. Then everyone started arguing over whose stick was whose and it got really nasty. But fear not, for I have made sure to neither use sticks nor skulls in my contest.


Okay, here’s how it’s going to work:

Ever hear of great entrepreneurs who wow the world with their genius? Those guys are boring, What I want to hear about is the world’s worst business ideas.

That’s right, give me your cat milking farms and food chewing services. Make it stupid, make it destined to failure and make it funny.

The rules are simple:

  1. Post your ideas for the worst business ventures in the comments below.
  2. Make sure I have someway to contact you, either a website, blog or social media account, so I can make sure you get your prize.
  3. Three entries per person.
  4. Don’t pester the squirrels.They’ve developed a taste for human flesh.


1st prize: Free tee-shirt of your choice from the official Car Johnson apparel shop and

A personalized music video of Car Johnson singing lyrics written specifically for you.

2nd: Prize: Personalized lyrics written by Car Johnson

This contest will close on November 17, where I’ll post the entries up for people to vote on their favorites. The voting will be open for two weeks and I’ll announce the winner on November 29.

-Please share this contest with anyone you might be interested.