Taking bites of other people’s food for fun and profit

Carburgerbite  I’ve decided to become a food tester. By that I don’t mean someone who works at a company, tasting their new products. I mean I want to start a service for people where I take a bite of their meal to see if the taste is adequate.

This will be greatly benefit society, as many people are fraught with the pain of buying a meal and being disappointed in its flavor. Maybe the burger at that fast food joint was sitting out for a little too long or that new sushi place’s special sauce turned out not to be as special as advertised.

That’s where I come in. I’ll hire myself out to sit next to a person when they’re at a restaurant, with my own special set of utensils. Anytime a new piece of food hits their plate, I’ll grab a bite and test it. If it’s suitable, I’ll give a thumbs up. If it’s not, I’ll spit the food on the floor to signify my disgust.

I’ll also offer a more personal service, where I follow a person around for a day and taste test everything they put in their mouths during said period. Well, almost everything. It would have to be limited to food and beverage. Anything else might end up violating several laws.

To advertise my new job, I went down to the local mall’s food court to give out some free samples. It didn’t go over so well, even after I explained what my aim was. Turns out people don’t like random strangers grabbing their food and taking bites.

I switched tactics and started asking, “Can I have a bite of your food to test for flavor?” That didn’t work so well either. I think I might have to rethink my marketing campaign. Maybe I rent some billboard space with a picture of me biting into a sandwich and the words, “Car Johnson – Food Tester.”

I’m also thinking of a slogan. Either, “Never be assaulted by flavorsuckitis again,” or “Let Car take a bite out of bad tasting food.”

What do you think my slogan should be?

The Contest for the World’s Stupidest Business Idea Has a Winner!

The votes are in for the World’s Stupidest Business Idea and the winner is:

Jennifer Oberth and her Cat Back Massage

Jennifer will get the grand prize free tee-shirt of her choice from the official Car Johnson apparel shop and a personalized music video of Car Johnson singing lyrics written specifically for her.

Since no one voted for anyone else, I am going to be nice and give the other two entrants Palemoon Twilight and C.M. Clark the second prize of personalized lyrics.

So, congratulations Jennifer! I hope your Cat Back Massage takes off and doesn’t give too many people cat scratch fever!

Voting Time! Contest for the World’s Stupidest Business Ideas

The contest for the world’s stupidest business idea is now over and you guys get to vote for the winner! Post which business idea you think should win in comments below and on November 29th, I’ll announce who got the most and second most votes.


First, from Palemoon Twilight

I would like to start a very unique business that would cater to the discriminating connoisseurs of every kid’s favorite sandwich meat: peanut butter. Consider: Though it may be a favored result of crushed legumes found in pantries around the world, how often you find that last bit of sandwich that you just can’t swallow because your glass of milk is empty. Into the garbage it goes! Such a waste.

We have an answer that has plagued peanut butter lovers for centuries. What to do with that last bit of sandwich? Now you can simply drop it into our handy PB self-mailing bag, along with your empty jars of peanut butter, your stale peanut butter cookies, squished peanut butter cups, your expired peanut butter cracker snacks, and so on, and drop it into your local postal box. We will recycle your peanut buttery goodness and put it into one of our superb, custom made Boyle jars, and return it to you. All for a modest monthly payment of just $29.95! That’s less than a dollar a day! Think of it. You will be able to enjoy your recycled peanut butter on bread, in cookies, with celery…whatever your peanut butter poison, we’ve got you covered.

Logon today and sign up for your own account. Visa and Master Card accepted.

– Palemoon Twilight


Second, from C.M. Clark

I was watching the news the other night about the man that was dressed as a superhero getting arrested. So my bussiness idea would be to try and find away to bring all of these men and women together and see what kind of business we could create with fake superheros.


Third, from Jennifer Oberth

Ever have a really stressful day? Have a fight with your partner? Carry around too many groceries or laundry baskets? Do you yearn for a relaxing massage but just don’t feel like taking your clothes off for a stranger to put their hands all over you?

Well, have I got the service for you.

Introducing, for the first time ever, the Cat Back Massage. That’s right, we’ve got cats of all weights and sizes to walk those kinks out of your neck and back! No need to feel self conscious under our feline friends. They’re non-judgmental and won’t talk your ear off so you can feel truly liberated and take a catnap while they work their paws to the bone for you.

For a limited time only, we’ll throw in fifteen minutes of purring for free. Feel that vibration and get rid of those sore, achy muscles.

Extra fee for declawed cats.

Sign up now – spaces are filling up fast!

Get voting! Tell the world, or at least this blog, what idea you think would top all the stupid business ideas in the universe! (I’m sure aliens have some really dumb business ideas, too.)

Contest for the World’s Stupidest Business Ideas

Today’s post will be written by my friend and creator, Rebekah Webb. It may come as a shock, but I’m not a real person. I actually live here. Well, over to Rebekah:

Hey guys! How would you like to part of something… well, not special, but incredibly fun? I’m talking about a contest. Contests have been the backbone of civilization for countless years, starting with the Og the caveman, who drew his friends’ names out of a hat to see who would get to share his new discovery of fire. Of course, writing and hats hadn’t been invented yet, so they used twigs representing their names and the skull of a captured intruder. Then everyone started arguing over whose stick was whose and it got really nasty. But fear not, for I have made sure to neither use sticks nor skulls in my contest.


Okay, here’s how it’s going to work:

Ever hear of great entrepreneurs who wow the world with their genius? Those guys are boring, What I want to hear about is the world’s worst business ideas.

That’s right, give me your cat milking farms and food chewing services. Make it stupid, make it destined to failure and make it funny.

The rules are simple:

  1. Post your ideas for the worst business ventures in the comments below.
  2. Make sure I have someway to contact you, either a website, blog or social media account, so I can make sure you get your prize.
  3. Three entries per person.
  4. Don’t pester the squirrels.They’ve developed a taste for human flesh.


1st prize: Free tee-shirt of your choice from the official Car Johnson apparel shop and

A personalized music video of Car Johnson singing lyrics written specifically for you.

2nd: Prize: Personalized lyrics written by Car Johnson

This contest will close on November 17, where I’ll post the entries up for people to vote on their favorites. The voting will be open for two weeks and I’ll announce the winner on November 29.

-Please share this contest with anyone you might be interested.