Another Cow Fetus Country Song


I just love country music. Once again, please don’t hold my Northern California soul against me. Country is like a parasite that lodged itself in my brain. Country and I are like peas and whipped cream. (If you haven’t tried peas and whipped cream together, you should come over to my mother’s house. She makes a mean batch.)

This song is shorter than my last, but it’s packed full of good old country punch:

Cow Fetus Picnic

Oh, bring out the corn, bring out the bread,
Cow fetuses can have fun, even though dead.
Let’s fling some horseshoes, let’s not have a care,
Hold your cow fetus straight up in the air!
Their skin is preserved, their jars are sturdy,
Don’t ya’ll think these bovines are purdy?
And if you don’t, we don’t give a hoot,
This picnic is for cow fetus lovers and we’ll give you the boot!

I hope you like it and I’ll be sure to bring you more country song lyrics in the future, some not even about cow fetuses. “The Cold Coffee Blues” is one of my favorites.

Cow Fetus Collecting


I’m an avid collector. But my favorite collection isn’t something most people see as “normal.” But I’m here to tell you about the wonderful world of

Cow fetus collecting.

They’re the perfect pets, forever preserved in their little jars, always ready to listen and never ready to judge, even if they smell of formaldehyde and look like something out of a mad scientist’s lab. If you look past all that, you can see their playful nature, or at least the playful nature they would have if they weren’t stuck in a jar. It just takes a bit of imagination.

Bessy’s my favorite. She has a brown spot on her rump and whenever I want to take my cow fetuses out on the town, she’s the first to go. I’d love to find other people who love floating bovine buddies as much as I do, but the only other people I’ve ever found with cow fetuses are scientists and they never take me serious after I tell them about the custom made hats and dresses I make for my cow fetuses’ jars. (It’s a lot easier to put clothing over the jars, rather than try to stick them inside.)

I even wrote a song about my little friends.

Cow Fetuses Need Love Too

You’re the perfect pet, confidant, friend,

we’ll be together to the end.

You never scream, you’ve never lied,

forever young in your formaldehyde

And you’ll never leave me, we’ll never part

‘cuz I preserved a piece of your heart

Oh cow fetuses need love too

They aren’t just unborn bovines in jars

Cow fetuses need love too

They ain’t civets, they won’t give you SARS

People give my heart great pain

when they say that I’m insane

They think my cow fetus friends are just some bizarre new trend

It’s not a trend, it’s not a joke

I’m just a bovine fetus lovin’ cowpoke

Oh cow fetuses need love too

They aren’t just unborn bovines in jars

Cow fetuses need love too

They ain’t civets, they won’t give you SARS

You bring me joy, with your shriveled skin

and your tiny bodies give me a grin

You look happy in your little hats,

so much cleaner than a bunch of cats

You sit there floating happy and free,

but nobody loves you like little old me

Oh cow fetuses need love too

They aren’t just unborn bovines in jars

Cow fetuses need love too

They ain’t civets, they won’t give you SARS

I’ve tried to find other people who enjoy my passion, but it’s been a tough road. I started a the Cow Fetus Appreciation Society, but I only got one other member so far and they don’t actually collect cow fetuses. I guess the world’s just not ready for Bessy and her ilk.