Interview with a Beer Bottle

I’ve decided to do another inanimate object interview. This time, I will interview a beer bottle and video tape it to make sure I get the transcript as accurate as possible.


Interview with a Beer Bottle

Car: So, what can I call you?

Beer Bottle: Party!!!!!

Car: You want me to call you Party?

Beer Bottle: No! Party!!!!! Party!!!!! Party!!!!!

Car: We can party later. Right now we’re having an interview.

Beer Bottle: Awwww. Okay. What do you want to know?

Car: Well, first what would you like to be called?

Beer Bottle: Awesome Sauce Supreme!

Car: Okay, Mr. Supreme. What’s it like being a beer bottle?

Beer Bottle: It’s epic! I get to turn men into gods and party! Party!!!! Can we party now?

Car: Not yet, Mr Supreme. Do beer bottles have genders?

Beer Bottles: Is there a girl beer bottle around? Mine!

Car: No, there isn’t, but I’ll let you know if one shows up. What do you think the main purpose of being a beer bottle is?

Beer Bottle: To party!!!! I’m filled with liquid cool! Drink me! Drink me! Drink me!

Car: Well, okay. I am a little parched. -At this time I grabbed Mr. Supreme and downed his contents pretty quickly. I was still thirsty, so I grabbed a couple of his friends out of the fridge and started to drink them as I continued the interview.-

Beer Bottle: I feel… empty. What’s the point of my life anyway?

Car: -After waiting to finish another beer.- I… don’t know. Maybe you’re an alien trapped in bottle form.

Beer Bottle: That’s absurd. I’m just a mass of shaped glass, a former container for an inebriating liquid.

Car: Huh? Is it getting hot in here? I need another beer.

Beer Bottle: It is quite chilly, Car. Please be careful. Too much of us can cause a lack of judgement.

Car -After finishing a third beer- Too much awesome, you mean! Beer rocks! Let’s go get chicks!

Beer Bottle: I have no legs, Car. I cannot go get chicks. Besides, you’re engaged.

Car: Oh yeah. Then let’s party!

Beer Bottle: You’ll need some of my full friends for that, I’m afraid. My partying days are over.

Car: Awwwwwww. -At this point, I grabbed three more beers out of the fridge and started drinking.- I have a ques…tion. Do you… ever… drink… yourself?

Beer Bottle: That’s impossible, but I seem to absorb the essence of my liquid center as long as it’s withen me.

Car: Aweshum! Let’s party!

Beer Bottle: I already told you Car, my partying days are over.

Car: Party!!!!!

After that, I blacked out and found myself face down in a pile of cardboard boxes. After reviewing the video, I found that I had raided the garage of Halloween decorations, called myself the Pumpkin King and dressed in a fairy princess costume Candy had left in one of the boxes. After cleaning up, I but Mr. Supreme and his empty friends into the garbage and took two aspirin, which gave me an idea for my next interview.

I went as myself on Halloween – Everyone thought I was wearing a costume

I decided to go as myself on Halloween. Here is a photo of me heading off to a Halloween party as myself:

It was a little chilly, so I wore my shag carpet shirt and bunny slippers. I took my favorite cow fetus Bessie along with her new purple dyed hair. It was a fun Halloween and the party lasted for hours, even though we mostly sat around the front yard and tossed bread crumbs to people dressed as birds.

Everyone kept mistaking my normal attire for some sort of strange clown costume. If I wanted to come as a clown, I would have. I still have my old clown suit that I wore when I tried to make money at children’s parties. I guess that’s what I get for going to a Halloween party where I didn’t know anyone. It takes a while to get used to my unique fashion sense.

Halloween Acrostic Poem

I wrote a poem about what happened last year on October 31st. I think it turned out really well and gives a great example of a fun and wholesome Halloween.


Had to get my stomach pumped from eating plastic decorations I thought were candy
Asked a woman dressed as a firefighter if she would rescue me from my pants
Left the room after said woman smacked me with a rubber axe
Let another woman play Lady Godiva with me as the horse
Opened the door and ran away when Lady Godiva tried to brand me
Went to another party that had better booze
Ended up passed out on an inflatable skeleton
Entered the events in my journal
Noshed on leftover Halloween candy that I made sure wasn’t plastic