Cow Fetus Collecting


I’m an avid collector. But my favorite collection isn’t something most people see as “normal.” But I’m here to tell you about the wonderful world of

Cow fetus collecting.

They’re the perfect pets, forever preserved in their little jars, always ready to listen and never ready to judge, even if they smell of formaldehyde and look like something out of a mad scientist’s lab. If you look past all that, you can see their playful nature, or at least the playful nature they would have if they weren’t stuck in a jar. It just takes a bit of imagination.

Bessy’s my favorite. She has a brown spot on her rump and whenever I want to take my cow fetuses out on the town, she’s the first to go. I’d love to find other people who love floating bovine buddies as much as I do, but the only other people I’ve ever found with cow fetuses are scientists and they never take me serious after I tell them about the custom made hats and dresses I make for my cow fetuses’ jars. (It’s a lot easier to put clothing over the jars, rather than try to stick them inside.)

I even wrote a song about my little friends.

Cow Fetuses Need Love Too

You’re the perfect pet, confidant, friend,

we’ll be together to the end.

You never scream, you’ve never lied,

forever young in your formaldehyde

And you’ll never leave me, we’ll never part

‘cuz I preserved a piece of your heart

Oh cow fetuses need love too

They aren’t just unborn bovines in jars

Cow fetuses need love too

They ain’t civets, they won’t give you SARS

People give my heart great pain

when they say that I’m insane

They think my cow fetus friends are just some bizarre new trend

It’s not a trend, it’s not a joke

I’m just a bovine fetus lovin’ cowpoke

Oh cow fetuses need love too

They aren’t just unborn bovines in jars

Cow fetuses need love too

They ain’t civets, they won’t give you SARS

You bring me joy, with your shriveled skin

and your tiny bodies give me a grin

You look happy in your little hats,

so much cleaner than a bunch of cats

You sit there floating happy and free,

but nobody loves you like little old me

Oh cow fetuses need love too

They aren’t just unborn bovines in jars

Cow fetuses need love too

They ain’t civets, they won’t give you SARS

I’ve tried to find other people who enjoy my passion, but it’s been a tough road. I started a the Cow Fetus Appreciation Society, but I only got one other member so far and they don’t actually collect cow fetuses. I guess the world’s just not ready for Bessy and her ilk.

My mother’s recipe for her famous Chocolate Tang Beef Casserole


My mother’s recipe for her famous Chocolate Tang Beef Casserole

1 lb ground beef

3 Cups orange flavored Tang

2 Cups chocolate syrup

1/2 Cup pureed anchovies

2/3 Teaspoons butter

Preheat oven to 400◦

Melt butter in a skillet and sauté Tang, beef and chocolate syrup for fifteen minutes, then place in casserole dish. Blend anchovies until smooth and smear on top of casserole. Bake for thirty minutes, then let set for ten.

Mother used to serve this on cold Winter nights. We’d all sit around, commenting on our day and trying to impress father with our gopher impersonations. Mother’s cooking will always have a special place in my heart and my lower intestinal tract, but that’s another story entirely. I hope this recipe becomes as beloved to you as it is to me and maybe one of these days I’ll post Mother’s onion lemon brownies. Yum!:)