Review of a Movie That Doesn’t Exist – How High Is My Beehive?

Here’s another review of a movie that doesn’t exist:

Title: How High Is My Beehive?

Genre: Musical Action


Julie Pinkerton: Madonna

Stacy Gaines: Kim Kardashian

Fred Smith: Himself

How High Is My Beehive starts off with two girls Julie and Stacy and one fashion forward man named Fred trying to outdo each other in having the biggest hair. Fred’s starting to lose his hair and only has one more chance to win the group’s coveted “Super Do” title. He ends up stealing a can of experimental hair spray from a spoiled rich girl, who happens to be the daughter of a powerful mob boss. The trio end up on the run from mafia hit men, who stop at nothing to get their prey. They must fight for their lives with only the blunt force trauma of their rock hard hair to help them.

The movie was a little long because of the random musical numbers scattered throughout, but they gave the movie more depth than the typical hair based mafia flick. “Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow,” was my personal favorite. It happened just after Fred realized that he was starting to go bald and made me really feel for him and his hair troubles. The line, “My hair was there, does no one care?” just about broke my heart.

I’d recommend this movie to anyone who likes musical action movies about hair obsessed thirty-somethings. But since it doesn’t exist, my recommendation is worthless.

Review of a Movie that Doesn’t Exist – Traffic Jam – the Musical

Another review for a movie that doesn’t exist:

Traffic Jam – the Musical




William the biker – Michael Caine

Sally the lawyer – Megan Fox

Robert the executive – Rob Lowe

Julie the college student – Emma Watson

The movie Traffic Jam – The Musical is a happy romp through the trials of waiting for a twelve car pile up to be cleared. The four main characters trade insult from their cars, before trading romance with people they never knew they could fall in love with.

The plot itself is pretty straight forward. They main characters fight, fight some more and fall in love right as the accident is cleared up. The songs were what stood out to me. Titles like “Stop and Go” and “Get a Move on, you Stupid &^*$” were great, but by far, my favorite song is when Sally and William state their growing love for each other in “I’ve Been Waiting.”

It goes:

Sally: I’ve been waiting, oh so long, for someone different.

William: I’ve been waiting, oh so long, for someone new.

Sally: I never thought I’d see the day when my life truly started.

Sally and William together: I’ve been waiting all my life, for you!

As you can see, Traffic Jam – The Musical is just what the doctor ordered, if doctors gave out prescriptions for musical romances instead of medicine. And I know this is what’s considered a chic flick, but guess what? Liking this movie has gotten me extra time with Candy and her collection of leather, even though the movie doesn’t actually exist.