How to have a cow fetus tea party

Sometimes it’s nice unwind after a tough day. And I’ve found one of the best ways is with my collection of preserved cow fetuses. I know having a tea party sounds a little girly, but it’s not. The British have high tea all the time and no one ever calls them girly.

Well, anyway, here are the instructions for a wonderful cow fetus tea party.


What you’ll need:

  1. Cow fetuses or cow fetus equivalents. An equivalent can be another animal fetus or even a stuffed animal in a water filled jar.
  2. A tea set, preferably one with a nice floral design, to honor your bovine buddies’ pastoral habitat. You can also use a child’s plastic tea set if you feel like a less formal atmosphere. Make sure to have a platter and plates as well.
  3. A card table or kitchen table and enough chairs to hold you and your cow fetuses or equivalents.
  4. A sheet or table cloth, preferably cow patterned. You can make your own cow pattern with a white sheet and black magic marker.
  5. Tea, or coffee if you prefer. You can also use imaginary tea.
  6. Cookies, crumpets and assorted pastries, plus those little finger sandwiches that look like they’re made for elves. You can also use imaginary food.



Brew tea or coffee, prepare food and set aside. Then place cloth on table, set with tea set and plates. Arrange chairs and set cow fetuses or equivalents in chairs, making sure their faces are turned towards the table. Place food on platter and set in the middle of the table, along with teapot. Serve tea and place food on plates, or pretend to if you are using imaginary items. Sit down and enjoy, while sipping from your cup and making your bovine buddies respond in squeaky cow fetus voices.

There. Now you too can enjoy the pleasures of tea and cow fetuses scintillating conversation with preserved cow fetuses.