Donny Dead – A Cautionary Tale for Children Everywhere #2


A while back I created a children’s book called Donny Dead – A Cautionary Tale for Children Everywhere. I believe in its message of shark avoidance and guillotine safety so much that I’ve expanded on it and turned it into a YouTube video.

Do your children run out into the street, while waving scissors and eating random pills they found in the medicine cabinet? Maybe this film will knock some sense into them, or at least make them terrified of elephants.

A poem for my sister and a Kitten Kittenly tee-shirt


Last night, while reading an article on criminally insane women, I was inspired to write a poem for my sister.

 

Sister

You’re strong and brave

And a bit insane

I wonder about you

 

Do you dream of daggers?

Or fluffy bunny tails?

 

You say you want to kill me,

But you never get it right.

I don’t think you mean it.

I love you and goodnight.

 

I hope she appreciates it while she tries to kill me by baking me overly salted cookies in the hope I might someday get high cholesterol.

 

Kitten Kittenly has a tee-shirt

My story, The Adventures of Kitten Kittenly, has it’s own tee-shirt:

 

 

 

 

Kitten Kittenly – A tale for the depraved kid at heart


The Adventures of Kitten Kittenly

A tale for the depraved kid at heart

Kitten Kittenly had a dream.

She wanted to take over the world.

But she was just a kitten and kittens were only good at pouncing on yarn and climbing drapes.

If Kitten saw one more ball of yarn or one more drape,
she would puke her little kitten heart out all over her kitten bed.

And she knew just where to shove the next ball of yarn a sappy human offered her.

She was tired of bows, she was tired of cuddles.

She was tired of being a precious weshush little pawn of humans.

They were the pawns, not her.

It was high time Kitten used her super intelligence and genetic cuteness for her own devices.

So, Kitten crafted a death ray out of squeaky mice and flea collars,

plus some plutonium and electronics she stole from the super villain next door.

She turned on the death ray and demanded all the world’s governments be handed over to her.

“Here are my demands,” she said,

as she burned half of france just because.

“First, I want tributes of tuna, fresh tuna, not that canned crap! And everyone will do as I say, when I say it, or suffer the consequences!”

So, Kitten forced the world to its knees and made everyone give her tuna, while she lounged around in the sun, doing nothing and gouging the eyes out of anyone who tried to pet her.

Actually, Kitten wasn’t really all that different from a regular adult house cat, except she had a death ray and would regularly burn people to death for fun.

The End

The Adventures of Bunny Bunnington – A tale for the depraved kid at heart


The Adventures of Bunny Bunnington

Bunny Bunington loved to play,

even when everyone told him to shut the hell up.

One day, Bunny found that no one wanted to be around him, so he sulked to the edge of the forest of Lonely Sulking Losers.

The forest was filled with other woodland creatures that sulked off after alienating those around them.

Bunny thought it would be perfect, since he could play with all the other irritating twats that came before him.

But there was a problem. It was the Lonely Sulking Losers forest, so no one actually ever talked with one another, not even when they saw another woodland creature with a new hat they really admired.

So Bunny left the forest and decided to murder all his former friends instead. He was still lonely, but he wasn’t a sulking loser.

THE END.