Rent a Giraffe – my new business venture

I’ve decided to start a giraffe renting company. If came to me the other day, when I was driving to the store. The streets were clogged with traffic from some accident. As my car inched along, I thought, ‘this would be better with a giraffe.”

Imagine riding a giraffe around town, stepping around and over traffic. You’d never have to stop for gas again, as the giraffe would refuel at trees planted on the side of the road. Plus, think of all the people who’d look at you and say, “Awesome, that dude’s riding a freaking giraffe!” or if they’re more refined, “Marvelous, that dapper chap is ridding a Giraffa camelopardalis.” Either way, they’ll think you’re innovative yet sophisticated, with a bit of flair.

Riding a giraffe will improve your love life, your business prospects and your social standing. If you show up on a date in a giraffe, you can bet there will be another in the future. There’s nothing more romantic and exciting than traveling by giraffe back. Do you think your boss will look you over for that promotion if you show up to work on a giraffe? Nothing says quick thinking and reliable like showing up for work on the back of a wild animal. And the whole world looks highly on a man brave enough to use a giraffe for transportation. Soon, you’ll be invited to parties you never new existed and hobnobbing with celebrities, trading the latest in giraffe related gossip.

There’s one problem with my giraffe renting enterprise. I have no giraffes.

So, I’m in the market to buy giraffes. Does anyone know where I can get some cheap giraffes, preferably in bulk?

It’s Been a Long Time – And It’s All Because of Instant Shoes

Sorry for not posting here in so long. I ended up on a nearly three month tour as the mascot for my cousin Rina’s new product, Instant Shoes. It was an awesome spray on shoe that came in multiple colors and styles. She picked me to be her mascot, Shoey and even made me a shoe costume to wear while I sang about Instant Shoes and what a great new invention they were.

Rina worked me day and night, which made it impossible to get online to update the blog, not to mention the fact that she forced me not to have any contact with the outside world, so I could fully immerse myself in the Shoey character. Shoes aren’t very sociable, you see.

It was fun and I really enjoyed being a part of such a great product. Unfortunately, it turned out that Rina’s spray was not really suitable for footwear and so the whole business plan collapsed out from under us. Rina didn’t have any use for Shoey anymore and I couldn’t keep going across the country, singing and dancing in parking lots, without the backing of an actual product. I tried that before and it only got me chased from town by the local police. So, I packed up my costume and headed back home and the life I left behind.

But since it was such a good product, I’ve decided to share the lyrics to the Instant Shoe song Rina had me sing:

You’re in a bind, and you can’t find,

Those shoes you thought you had.

The floor is rough, the going’s tough

And what’s that? Oh my god, hot sand!

–

Do you need a hand?

No, you need a shoe!

But not just any shoe will do!

–

Instant Shoe, oh Instant Shoe!

Just spray it on and go!

Instant Shoe, oh Instant Shoe!

The cure to no shoe woe!

Well it’s good to be back and I hope you’ve all had fun these past months. And remember, if you want to create a spray on shoe, make sure you don’t use something that washes away in the rain.