Remember back when you were a child and you poured sugary cereal into a bowl, as your cavity filled mouth watered in anticipation while your sister tried to murder you with a plastic spork? Well, not the plastic spork thing. That’s a special moment between my sister and myself.
Sugary cereal is a wonderful childhood memory, from carefully picking out the marshmallows from the boring cereal bits, to watching your milk turn brown. And who can forget the prize inside? A plastic toy that was always at the bottom, tempting you to dig your fingers down into the box to try and pry it free. (Strange that I never thought to simply open the box at the opposite end and cut the plastic bag protecting the cereal with scissors. Then again, where would the fun be in that?)
Now, as an adult, I ask you this:
Why should kids have all the fun? Adults need a little bit of breakfast related excitement. And I’m not talking about a quickie on the kitchen counter, though that is pretty entertaining. I’m talking about a breakfast cereal for the young at heart, but made with adults in mind.
So, I’ve come up with a cereal that harkens back to those halcyon days of youth, but with an adult kick. And what do adults turn to when they want to feel that warm glow they used to get from their parents hugs, or the excitement that that once came from cartoons and plastic dinosaurs?
Why alcohol, of course. The only thing that can warm you up and liven your day, plus make peeing in random places around town both a necessity and a challenge. So, with that in mind, I have created a new cereal.
I call them Blott-Os.
They’re little keg shaped crisps with a beer flavored alcohol saturated syrup in the center. I know, calling them Os is not exactly accurate, but I think that fully encapsulates the essence of alcohol. Booze is so cool, it doesn’t have to make sense.
Each box of Blott-Os will come with a prize inside. For the first prize, I’ve decided on a little rubber man who urinates when you submerge him in water and then squeeze, like a rubber ducky, but less suitable for children.
Imagine, eagerly pouring cereal into your bowl and chowing down, while your milks turns yellow. Then drinking from the bowl as you let the alcohol bring a glow to your day, whether you’re heading off to work or sprawling in front of the TV in your pajamas like you did as a child. Though, try not to wear your pajamas to work, especially if you sleep in the nude. Your boss won’t be pleased.
Now, I just have to find a way to start production of Blott-Os. So far, the only plan I have is a pile of hastily scrawled notes on random napkins from a late night drinking binge. But I’m not worried. That’s how all my ideas take shape.
I have a six pack of beer, an internet recipe for cereal and a squeeze bottle of maple syrup. As soon as I figure a way how to turn those things into tiny kegs, Blott-Os will be good to go. Wish me luck!