A Tale of Two Toys – an epic adventure of love and plastic

I’ve decided to post a photo tale I’ve been working on for a while. I got the idea after an earthquake knocked down a box of my old toys. It also knocked a bowling ball on my head, which caused the sight of my toys to mix with my slight concussion into an idea.

This is the result of that initial idea and two month of planning. It’s a story about two action figures who fall in love and face the dangers of the wild world of plastic. I call it:

A Tale of Two Toys – an epic adventure of love and plastic

This day is perfect! Nothing could possibly go wrong.

Obi-Wan and Zartan loved each other as much as molded pieces of plastic could, which was surprisingly quite a bit.

Check out my plastic abs!

They loved each other even though Zartan had sleeves but no shirt…

Eat hand hole, sucka!

And Obi-Wan had a hole where his light saber should be.

If only my arms could bend. I’d do a million pushups and be able to pick my own nose.

But they had each other. They’d spend hours just sitting together, with Zartan putting his arm around Obi-Wan’s shoulder. Obi-Wan kept his arms to his sides, not because he was a rigid jerk, but because his arms didn’t have functional elbows.

Greetings fellow toys! I’m not evil, honest!

One day while they were sitting in roughly the same position and in front of the same black background they always seemed to choose to sit, they were greeted by a mutant meerkat thing. Nothing good could come of this.That creepy smile has to be hiding something sinister.

The hand hole, it does nothing!

The meerkat wasted no time in attacking Obi-Wan and Zartan. Obi-Wan tried to fight back with his hand hole, but he was quickly overpowered.

This way to certain doom! Next stop, Milwaukee!

The meerkat grabbed Obi-Wan and Zartan and dragged them off to certain doom.

I bring you sparkles and eternal damnation!

Certain doom turned out to be a giant elf/Santa/fairy thing, otherwise known as, “What the hell is that?” The meerkat was just a minion of this greater evil.

Oh, I just love tormenting the innocent.

The elf/Santa/fairy grabbed Obi-Wan in her evil claws of pink doom.

Yum yum!

The elf/santa/fairy picked up Zartan as well and prepared to devour them both. Obi-Wan and Zartan braced for their fate, but then they realized something… something that would be their salvation…

Oh poo.

They were plastic and could not be eaten, especially by a creature with a painted on mouth. The elf/Santa/fairy realized this as well and dropped them back down. She then wandered off to find some young child to traumatize.

Punchy punchy!

Now that the danger had passed, Zartan punched the meerkat in the face. He did this partly because of the previous kidnapping, but mostly because he was a bit of a jerk and liked beating people up.

You’re the action to my figure, man.

After that, Obi-Wan and Zartan went back to doing what they always did; sitting next to each other in front of a nondescript black background.


New toy idea – Bureaucratic Action Figures

Children love to play with superheroes, but what about the heroes of government red tape? Is there anything more exciting than a person holding a form? Well yes, lots, but that doesn’t mean that my new line of bureaucratic action figures won’t be a big hit.

Bureaucratic Action Figures

DMV Darla

Darla has rolling eye action and formfu grip, as she hands you yet another paper to fill out to register your car. Feel the thrill of waiting on endless hordes of irritated drivers and the power of making them wait for “just another ten minutes.”


Ian comes with a stack of forms and glazed eyes, as he reviews tax returns and dreams of sitting on a beach in Rio. If you find sorting through forms, line after line, more fun than a state fair, then Ian’s the toy for you.

Post Office Pete

Pete comes with a bag of letters and a passport. Either stick him in the Post Office Fun Set and have him prepare customers for their trips to exotic places like Canada, or have him go around to your other action figures and use his slowfu grip to eventually give them their mail. Pete’s more fun than a barrel of three toed sloths.

Census Taker Caroline

Caroline comes with a clipboard, a list, and a door to slam in her face after being mistaken for a solicitor. Your imagination will soar with Caroline, if imagining yourself out in the heat and talking to strangers is the best you can come up with.


Bureaucratic Action Figures may lead to an irresistible desire to itemize all your toys and stand in one place for hours at a time.