Love Poem For My Girlfriend

Here’s a love poem I wrote for my girlfriend, Candy.


Candy, I’m your man

We’re two peas in a pea and marshmallow sandwich

You’re the duffel to my bag

The open to my sesame

The ear to my wig

I’ll always be here for you

Like a barnacle on a whale

You’re my whale baby

Blow your spout for me

An Ode to Breakfast

I’ve decided to write a poem in honor of that beloved first meal of the day, breakfast.


Oh gooey egg, so warm and jiggly

Run over my heart with your yolk

Oh crunchy toast, so buttery and dry

Fill my veins with your crumbs of love

Oh crispy bacon, so greasy and good

Nourish my soul with your liquid lard

Oh cheesy danish, so soft and filling

Elevate my mind with your cloud-like dough

Oh tart OJ, with your cool refreshment

Charge my feet with your Floridan airs

Oh great breakfast, so true and brave

You come to me at morning and exit me at noon.

A poem for my sister and a Kitten Kittenly tee-shirt

Last night, while reading an article on criminally insane women, I was inspired to write a poem for my sister.



You’re strong and brave

And a bit insane

I wonder about you


Do you dream of daggers?

Or fluffy bunny tails?


You say you want to kill me,

But you never get it right.

I don’t think you mean it.

I love you and goodnight.


I hope she appreciates it while she tries to kill me by baking me overly salted cookies in the hope I might someday get high cholesterol.


Kitten Kittenly has a tee-shirt

My story, The Adventures of Kitten Kittenly, has it’s own tee-shirt:





Halloween Acrostic Poem

I wrote a poem about what happened last year on October 31st. I think it turned out really well and gives a great example of a fun and wholesome Halloween.


Had to get my stomach pumped from eating plastic decorations I thought were candy
Asked a woman dressed as a firefighter if she would rescue me from my pants
Left the room after said woman smacked me with a rubber axe
Let another woman play Lady Godiva with me as the horse
Opened the door and ran away when Lady Godiva tried to brand me
Went to another party that had better booze
Ended up passed out on an inflatable skeleton
Entered the events in my journal
Noshed on leftover Halloween candy that I made sure wasn’t plastic

Poem for My Mother

I wrote a poem for my mother today. It’s heartfelt and I hope she likes it.

It took me three hours to draw Mother
My mother


You’re like no other.

If you were a man, I’d want you for a brother.

If you were a beer, I’d want another.

If you were a wind, you’d be a souther.

If you were a pillow, you would smother.

If you were a choice, I’d say “I’d druther.”