Here’s a love poem I wrote for my girlfriend, Candy.
Candy, I’m your man
We’re two peas in a pea and marshmallow sandwich
You’re the duffel to my bag
The open to my sesame
The ear to my wig
I’ll always be here for you
Like a barnacle on a whale
You’re my whale baby
Blow your spout for me
I’ve decided to write a poem in honor of that beloved first meal of the day, breakfast.
Oh gooey egg, so warm and jiggly
Run over my heart with your yolk
Oh crunchy toast, so buttery and dry
Fill my veins with your crumbs of love
Oh crispy bacon, so greasy and good
Nourish my soul with your liquid lard
Oh cheesy danish, so soft and filling
Elevate my mind with your cloud-like dough
Oh tart OJ, with your cool refreshment
Charge my feet with your Floridan airs
Oh great breakfast, so true and brave
You come to me at morning and exit me at noon.
Last night, while reading an article on criminally insane women, I was inspired to write a poem for my sister.
You’re strong and brave
And a bit insane
I wonder about you
Do you dream of daggers?
Or fluffy bunny tails?
You say you want to kill me,
But you never get it right.
I don’t think you mean it.
I love you and goodnight.
I hope she appreciates it while she tries to kill me by baking me overly salted cookies in the hope I might someday get high cholesterol.
Kitten Kittenly has a tee-shirt
My story, The Adventures of Kitten Kittenly, has it’s own tee-shirt:
I wrote a poem about what happened last year on October 31st. I think it turned out really well and gives a great example of a fun and wholesome Halloween.
Had to get my stomach pumped from eating plastic decorations I thought were candy
Asked a woman dressed as a firefighter if she would rescue me from my pants
Left the room after said woman smacked me with a rubber axe
Let another woman play Lady Godiva with me as the horse
Opened the door and ran away when Lady Godiva tried to brand me
Went to another party that had better booze
Ended up passed out on an inflatable skeleton
Entered the events in my journal
Noshed on leftover Halloween candy that I made sure wasn’t plastic
I wrote a poem for my mother today. It’s heartfelt and I hope she likes it.
- My mother
You’re like no other.
If you were a man, I’d want you for a brother.
If you were a beer, I’d want another.
If you were a wind, you’d be a souther.
If you were a pillow, you would smother.
If you were a choice, I’d say “I’d druther.”