Jennifer Oberth’s Music Video!


Jennifer Oberth won a contest on my blog for the world’s stupidest business idea. Part of her prize was a custom music video written and sang in the style of Car Johnson. She chose to have the song about her character Ella Westin, part of the Ella Westin Mysteries.

Palemoon Twilight and C.M. Clark are still owed personalized lyrics. Please comment here and tell me what you want the lyrics to be about.

Lyrics:

Ella, don’t you yella
You’re just swella
Can’t you tella?

You solve crime
All the time
Even on your wedding day
You love your man
And have a plan
To make sure that he’s okay

Ella, don’t you yella
You’re just swella
Can’t you tella?

In law’s still a buccaneer
If you believe what you hear
About his shady deals
But he’s fun and a good guy
And you know that’s no lie
So ask him out for a beer

Ella, don’t you yella
You’re just swella
Can’t you tella?

You’re tough and strong
And that ain’t wrong
You really are a sight
So go kick some ass
But not with shards of glass
Because that just ain’t right

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The Contest for the World’s Stupidest Business Idea Has a Winner!


The votes are in for the World’s Stupidest Business Idea and the winner is:

Jennifer Oberth and her Cat Back Massage

Jennifer will get the grand prize free tee-shirt of her choice from the official Car Johnson apparel shop and a personalized music video of Car Johnson singing lyrics written specifically for her.

Since no one voted for anyone else, I am going to be nice and give the other two entrants Palemoon Twilight and C.M. Clark the second prize of personalized lyrics.

So, congratulations Jennifer! I hope your Cat Back Massage takes off and doesn’t give too many people cat scratch fever!

Voting Time! Contest for the World’s Stupidest Business Ideas


The contest for the world’s stupidest business idea is now over and you guys get to vote for the winner! Post which business idea you think should win in comments below and on November 29th, I’ll announce who got the most and second most votes.

 

First, from Palemoon Twilight

I would like to start a very unique business that would cater to the discriminating connoisseurs of every kid’s favorite sandwich meat: peanut butter. Consider: Though it may be a favored result of crushed legumes found in pantries around the world, how often you find that last bit of sandwich that you just can’t swallow because your glass of milk is empty. Into the garbage it goes! Such a waste.

We have an answer that has plagued peanut butter lovers for centuries. What to do with that last bit of sandwich? Now you can simply drop it into our handy PB self-mailing bag, along with your empty jars of peanut butter, your stale peanut butter cookies, squished peanut butter cups, your expired peanut butter cracker snacks, and so on, and drop it into your local postal box. We will recycle your peanut buttery goodness and put it into one of our superb, custom made Boyle jars, and return it to you. All for a modest monthly payment of just $29.95! That’s less than a dollar a day! Think of it. You will be able to enjoy your recycled peanut butter on bread, in cookies, with celery…whatever your peanut butter poison, we’ve got you covered.

Logon today and sign up for your own account. Visa and Master Card accepted.
http://stickybusiness.nut

– Palemoon Twilight

 

Second, from C.M. Clark

I was watching the news the other night about the man that was dressed as a superhero getting arrested. So my bussiness idea would be to try and find away to bring all of these men and women together and see what kind of business we could create with fake superheros.

 

Third, from Jennifer Oberth

Ever have a really stressful day? Have a fight with your partner? Carry around too many groceries or laundry baskets? Do you yearn for a relaxing massage but just don’t feel like taking your clothes off for a stranger to put their hands all over you?

Well, have I got the service for you.

Introducing, for the first time ever, the Cat Back Massage. That’s right, we’ve got cats of all weights and sizes to walk those kinks out of your neck and back! No need to feel self conscious under our feline friends. They’re non-judgmental and won’t talk your ear off so you can feel truly liberated and take a catnap while they work their paws to the bone for you.

For a limited time only, we’ll throw in fifteen minutes of purring for free. Feel that vibration and get rid of those sore, achy muscles.

Extra fee for declawed cats.

Sign up now – spaces are filling up fast!

Get voting! Tell the world, or at least this blog, what idea you think would top all the stupid business ideas in the universe! (I’m sure aliens have some really dumb business ideas, too.)

Contest closes tomorrow! Plus, an interview with a box of crayons.


There’s one more day in the contest for the world’s stupidest business ideas! If you want to get your entries in before voting starts, be sure to get them in before the November 17, 12:59 pm pst deadline.

I’ve decided to try and become an investigative reporter, so I’m going to practice my interviewing skills on common household items. I’ll have to answer the questions for them, since common household items don’t have the capacity for speech (as far as I know.) This is just practice for when I start talking to actual human interviewees.

Interview

Car: I’m here with a box of generic crayons. He’s brand new and holds four multiple colored crayons. So, Mr. Crayon box, how does it feel being a generic brand? Is it hard on your self esteem?

Crayon Box: First of all, I’m a female box of crayons. And to answer your question, it’s extremely hard on my self esteem to not have a well know name printed on my head. It’s also hard just being a small box of crayons. Those fancy 64 crayon boxes are always pushing me around. Hell, even the 24s, the16s and the 8s give me a hard time.

Car: I’m sorry to hear that. And I apologize for mistaking your gender. Is there a way to tell if a crayon box is male or female?

Crayon Box: Don’t worry about it. Only crayons boxes can tell the difference. It has to do with the way our boxes smell. And yes, crayon boxes do have noses. They’re part of our print.Only other crayons can see them.

Car: Interesting. So tell me, what exactly are your relationship to your crayons? Are they your children?

Crayon Box: Of course not! Crayon boxes give birth to other crayon boxes. Crayons are our tenants.

Car: Tenants? Do you get payed rent?

Crayon Box: Rent is a human term. Crayon Boxes are rented out in the factory. We have no say in the matter and receive no pay for our services. We are born to be boxes for crayons. It’s in our blood… well, in our cardboard.

Car: What happens to a crayon box after all the crayons have been used up?

Crayon Box: That’s a sensitive subject for us boxes. After the crayons are gone, we’re just tossed in the trash. Sometimes we’re tossed in the trash before the crayons have even been used! Kids may abuse their crayons, but it’s out of love. We’re torn up, tossed on the ground and stuffed in waste baskets, not out of love, but out of disrespect. We carry all those crayons safely to the hands of children and even adults across the world and all we have to show for it is mangled cardboard and a life rotting in a landfill.

-At this moment the crayon box made a sniffling sound.- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get so emotional.

Car: That’s quite okay. I just have one more question and you can go back to your drawer. If you could be anything in the world, what would you be?

Crayon Box: A crayon box. It’s the best job in the world. I just wish we got more respect.

Car: Thank you for your time, Miss Crayon Box. I hope the world learns from what you’ve told us today.

Note:

Miss Crayon Box will not be available for any more interviews. Shortly after this was recorded, I gave her to my niece for her birthday. After a series of cardboard related mishaps, Miss Crayon box now resides in a landfill on the outskirts of town and is not in the condition to answer any more questions.

Contest for the World’s Stupidest Business Ideas


Today’s post will be written by my friend and creator, Rebekah Webb. It may come as a shock, but I’m not a real person. I actually live here. Well, over to Rebekah:

Hey guys! How would you like to part of something… well, not special, but incredibly fun? I’m talking about a contest. Contests have been the backbone of civilization for countless years, starting with the Og the caveman, who drew his friends’ names out of a hat to see who would get to share his new discovery of fire. Of course, writing and hats hadn’t been invented yet, so they used twigs representing their names and the skull of a captured intruder. Then everyone started arguing over whose stick was whose and it got really nasty. But fear not, for I have made sure to neither use sticks nor skulls in my contest.

Contest

Okay, here’s how it’s going to work:

Ever hear of great entrepreneurs who wow the world with their genius? Those guys are boring, What I want to hear about is the world’s worst business ideas.

That’s right, give me your cat milking farms and food chewing services. Make it stupid, make it destined to failure and make it funny.

The rules are simple:

  1. Post your ideas for the worst business ventures in the comments below.
  2. Make sure I have someway to contact you, either a website, blog or social media account, so I can make sure you get your prize.
  3. Three entries per person.
  4. Don’t pester the squirrels.They’ve developed a taste for human flesh.

Prizes:

1st prize: Free tee-shirt of your choice from the official Car Johnson apparel shop and

A personalized music video of Car Johnson singing lyrics written specifically for you.

2nd: Prize: Personalized lyrics written by Car Johnson

This contest will close on November 17, where I’ll post the entries up for people to vote on their favorites. The voting will be open for two weeks and I’ll announce the winner on November 29.

-Please share this contest with anyone you might be interested.