I’ve decided to post a handy list of signs that you might have an admirer that’s slightly more obsessed with you than normal.
10 signs that someone is stalking you
1 Do you see a similar tree everywhere you go? Does that tree seem to be made out of cloth, with holes for eyes in the trunk? Does it periodically giggles maniacally?
2 Do you always seem to bump into same stranger? Is said stranger wearing a shirt with your picture on it? Is the picture one of you sleeping?
3 Does your ceiling sometimes make strange noises that sound like coughing? Does it sometimes yell out, “Move back a bit! The camera can’t see you?”
4 Have you ever found things missing from your home? Has your television been replaced by a giant painted portrait of the stranger you keep bumping into?
5 Is there a dog in your home that you don’t remember owning? Does it have human hands and a head that looks sort of like a Halloween wolf mask?
6 Do people always point over your shoulder and ask, “Who is that creepy looking dude skulking behind you?”
7 Have you ever woken up to find your hair cut? Do you later find a hair knit sweater in the mail that matches your color?
8 Do you receive numerous voicemails that all sound breathy but menacing? Do these voicemails just repeat the words “Stalky stalky stalky” over and over?
9 Have you found a note that says, “Stalk Me” pinned to the back of your shirt?
10 When you’re out driving, have you ever driven past a giant billboard with a picture of your face and the words, “I am stalking this person” written underneath?
If you have experienced all ten of these signs, there’s a good chance that you are being stalked. But I am not an expert, so there could be another explanation. You should ask the scary looking person hiding in your closet what they think.
Didn’t you have a stalking adventure where you were the stalker? Or were you the stalkee?
I’ve been stalked and I’ve stalked as well. And one time I even stalked myself.