I’ve decided to become a food tester. By that I don’t mean someone who works at a company, tasting their new products. I mean I want to start a service for people where I take a bite of their meal to see if the taste is adequate.
This will be greatly benefit society, as many people are fraught with the pain of buying a meal and being disappointed in its flavor. Maybe the burger at that fast food joint was sitting out for a little too long or that new sushi place’s special sauce turned out not to be as special as advertised.
That’s where I come in. I’ll hire myself out to sit next to a person when they’re at a restaurant, with my own special set of utensils. Anytime a new piece of food hits their plate, I’ll grab a bite and test it. If it’s suitable, I’ll give a thumbs up. If it’s not, I’ll spit the food on the floor to signify my disgust.
I’ll also offer a more personal service, where I follow a person around for a day and taste test everything they put in their mouths during said period. Well, almost everything. It would have to be limited to food and beverage. Anything else might end up violating several laws.
To advertise my new job, I went down to the local mall’s food court to give out some free samples. It didn’t go over so well, even after I explained what my aim was. Turns out people don’t like random strangers grabbing their food and taking bites.
I switched tactics and started asking, “Can I have a bite of your food to test for flavor?” That didn’t work so well either. I think I might have to rethink my marketing campaign. Maybe I rent some billboard space with a picture of me biting into a sandwich and the words, “Car Johnson – Food Tester.”
I’m also thinking of a slogan. Either, “Never be assaulted by flavorsuckitis again,” or “Let Car take a bite out of bad tasting food.”
What do you think my slogan should be?
How generous of you! The world has been waiting for a trailblazer like you to come along. Here, some some liver…
Thanks! It’s nice to know that people appreciate my genius. And liver is good covered in chocolate, the way my mother always made it.
I think you should wear an apron in carse one of your prospective clients decides to spit their food at you. And, what about car-rying some carndiments made from Mother’s old recipes? I’m leaning toward the slogan “Never be assaulted by flavorsuckitis again,”
I don’t think anyone would want to spit their food at me. The whole point of my service is to cause them to want to keep their food in their mouths. And thanks on the slogan suggestion. I might combine the two and go with “Let Car take a bite out of flavorsuckitis.”