There’s many pitfalls to getting through that first date. How do you make sure you don’t make a fool of yourself or cause your date to throw you through a plate glass window? Well, let my handy list tell you what you need to know!
Ten Things Not to Do on a First Date:
- Tell your date they have a small round bug on their face and then attempt to pull it off. It’s probably a mole.
- Say, “I just met you but I’m not much for the dating scene. Can we just do it under the table?”
- Pull out a spork with a tiny wig glued to the top and say, “This is my best friend Sporky. He goes everywhere with me.”
- Compliment your date with, “You’re a real freak, but I’m desperate.”
- Pull out two masks and ask them if they want to help you rob the restaurant you’re heading to.
- Go to the local garbage dump and show your date how to search for “Trash Mushrooms.”
- Ask, “How much do you charge an hour?” This is a date. Dates are free.
- Bring your mother along. Yes, she might enjoy the opera, but it’ll be hard to interact with your date with her sitting between you.
- When the date ends, ask “How about a goodnight blowjob?” No. First dates are kisses.
- Grab someone off the street and drive them to the movies. That is not a date. That is kidnapping.