Socks can be a bit annoying. They get dingy after staying on your sweaty feet day in and day out, no matter how many times you wash them. But you can’t just toss them out after one use, because that would be wasteful. So you just keep wearing and washing them, until their elastic rots from too much bleach and you toss their sweat stained remains in the garbage.
Would you believe me if I told you there was a solution? Or would you just assume I had finally cracked under sock related pressure? Well, it doesn’t matter, because there is a solution!
Let me introduce you to edible socks. Yes, you heard that right. Edible socks.
Imagine: A sock that only collects a days worth of sweat. A one use sock that doesn’t make you feel wasteful. A sock that tastes like cherries.
Edible socks will revolutionize the clothing world. It’s my dream that everyone will know the joy of pulling off their socks at the end of a hard day and settling down to take a bite, letting the savory flavors of their feet mix with the sweet flavor of the sock.
It’s hard to describe the flavor of edible socks. It’s like aged cheese and fruit, but the cheese is a part of yourself. You could say that edible socks are an almost spiritual experience, a consumption of your blood sweat and tears. Well, your sweat and possible blood if you step on a nail. I don’t know how anyone could manage to cry on their own feet.
I’ve developed a prototype* and just have to fine tune it to withstand hot days and rain. The end result will still get a little sticky at the end of the day, but that just makes the socks easier to chew. I’m also working on other flavors in addition to the prototype’s cherry. I’ve come up with several that would work with the inherent cheese flavor of most feet. So far I’m thinking of developing pear, peach, plum, tomato, bologna and salmon.
So, get ready world! Edible socks will blow your mind!**
*Fine tuning may take anywhere from ten to fifteen years, or more if anything explodes, crashes or sets me on fire.
**Edible socks not guaranteed to blow your mind.