Spending Time With Mother


I decided to spend some time with my mother today. First, she cooked a wonderful lunch of cheese filled roasted marshmallows and Rocky Mountain oyster milkshakes. It was nice to be able to sit and enjoy Mother’s home cooking. It made me appreciate my childhood years, when every night was something special and how much I took fresh baked liver banana bread for granted.

After our bellies were full, we headed off to the custom shooting range Mother crafted in the woods an hour out of town. We fired on effigies of cartoon characters and emptied round after round into stained glassed targets my mother ordered from France. I never spent enough time learning about mother’s passion for guns and exploding rounds when I was a kid. I feel honored that she lets me share in it now.

Then we went to Mother’s favorite strip bar, Bee Raiders, where all the guys wear nothing but a generous slathering of honey. While I have no interest in watching honey covered men dance to techno music, it was nice to do something just for Mother. Besides, she went with me to my favorite strip bar, Oysters Away, where women wrestle in raw oysters, dressed in nothing but hats made out of shucked shells.

After that, we met with my fiance, Candy and went bar hopping late into the night. Mother’s an expert bar hopper and Candy and I could barely keep up. We ended the night in a detention cell, after Mother decided City Hall would look better painted purple. My father bailed us out and that officially ended our special day together. Now I’m planning a special day just with Candy and me. I’ve already rented the marmosets.

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6 thoughts on “Spending Time With Mother

  1. You and Mother seem to have such a really good time doing such normal activities that most of us would find boring. I love when you share these really special times with your public. I wonder if Candy knows how lucky she is to be included with her future mother-in-laws evenings out on the town.

    • My public? I don’t really have a public, but my cousin who think she’s a queen does. Actually, her public is actually her team of therapists, but it’s basically the same thing.

    • Mother’s taught me a lot. Without her, I’d never have become the wonderful person that I am, or realized that bubble gum makes such a great pair of disposable gloves.

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