Advice I’ve Gathered Over the Years

Here’s some bits of wisdom and life lessons I’ve figured out through my daily life:

  • Never spit back at a llama.
  • Always make sure the fruit you’re eating isn’t plastic.
  • Fire is not a mouthwash.
  • The snails in your backyard do not make good escargot.
  • Paying a parking fine in pennies is a bad idea.
  • Women don’t like to be called “Sugar Crotch.”
  • No matter how hot it is outside, don’t pour a smoothie on your head.
  • Just because flavored lip gloss smells nice, doesn’t mean it makes a good snack.
  • Your mother does not want to hear about your performance issues.
  • House paint is not a substitute for Halloween makeup.
  • Playboy cannot be used to teach high school anatomy.
  • What happens when you’re drunk always seems less embarrassing than it really is.
  • Infants are not paperweights.
  • “Is this edible,” is a very useful question.
  • Portable showers are not a good idea.
  • Meat is not something you can buy on a street corner.
  • A trip to a public bathroom is not a date.
  • Always make sure to look both ways before crossing the freeway.
  • The ER is not the place to go when you have an itch you can’t reach.
  • Restaurants don’t like it if you bring your own portable oven and ask to cook the food yourself.
  • When in doubt, wear pants.


4 thoughts on “Advice I’ve Gathered Over the Years

  1. Well Car, this is very useful information and I’m glad you provided it so I don’t have to learn by experience.

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