It’s hard trying to be right, especially to be the only person who happens to be right about something. But there’s one thing that messes up the pureness of having all the answers. It’s called thinking.
Thinking’s a messy thing that asks questions and thinks in hypotheticals and travels to truth in a winding road that has way too many pit stops. The destination takes time, effort and you won’t have the chance to be right until you actually get there, plus you’ll just end up with more icky questions.
Well, don’t fret! The Think for You Box is here to save the day. It’s filled with questions that have already been answered and mysteries that have already been solved, by people too stupid to have a Think for You Box. All you have to do is type into the box’s front and a little paper in printed out of a slot, filled with facts to impress your friends and make you correct in any discussion.
The Think for You Box is wirelessly updated whenever a subject is figured out and proven, so you never have to deal with anything other than the box. It also has the ability to print out multiple facts depending on the situation at hand. This is a problem, since you actually have to type in the details of the situation and any differences from similar situations, which comes a little too close to though, but soon the Think for You Box will have the ability to determine everything for you. Eventually, you won’t even have to type at all.
The Think for you Box will not handle views based on emotional likes or dislikes. For that, you need the Opinionater 3000, that takes your personal tastes and finds a convincing sounding reason for why they are right. If you need a machine to turn your strengths and flaws into a system of belief, the Perfector is the best bet. It will turn anything you can’t do well into a sign of idiocy and anything you can into a sign of genius, plus it will turn them both into a moral belief instead of a product of personal abilities.
Act now! Supplies are limited! Get you Think for You Box today!