Texts from Today’s Twenty Year Olds – 75 Years from Now


I reached into the mists of time, or it may have been a booze influenced dream, and brought back fifteen texts from the future.

  1. hey, just got new dentures. guess who’s eatin solids tonite!
  2. A younger woman totally asked me out! And she still has bladder control!
  3. Viagra, Mylanta and a defibrillator – You know what that means, baby.
  4. The other day I saw dolly, she was walking her dog, and it reminded me of when we were together Remember that? it was the best time of my life,
  5.  except for herpes, which I later learned were just an allergic rash from strawberries. Man, i used to luv, luv, luv strawberries, evn after that time i choked
  6. on a strawberry and nearly died. do yu remember when we had to bury my cat becuz we thought he died, but it turned out he wuz just sleeping? wait,
  7. what wuz i texting you for? Oh yeah. i saw dolly today and she told me to tell you hi.
  8. oh crap, that’s not a kidney stone.
  9. The last time I text and drove, I couldn’t remember which was the phone and which was the steering wheel.
  10. My boyfriend dumped me for a nice, comfy grave.
  11. I can’t believe I stayed up until 9 last nite!
  12. Baby, it’s not going to work out. I can’t remember our love. Literally.
  13. I went to the bathroom, in the bathroom! Best day ever!
  14. I finally got the chrome wheels to finish tricking out my walker. Ladies, here I come!
  15. When I said my heart stopped, I wasn’t being romantic.
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