I reached into the mists of time, or it may have been a booze influenced dream, and brought back fifteen texts from the future.
- hey, just got new dentures. guess who’s eatin solids tonite!
- A younger woman totally asked me out! And she still has bladder control!
- Viagra, Mylanta and a defibrillator – You know what that means, baby.
- The other day I saw dolly, she was walking her dog, and it reminded me of when we were together Remember that? it was the best time of my life,
- except for herpes, which I later learned were just an allergic rash from strawberries. Man, i used to luv, luv, luv strawberries, evn after that time i choked
- on a strawberry and nearly died. do yu remember when we had to bury my cat becuz we thought he died, but it turned out he wuz just sleeping? wait,
- what wuz i texting you for? Oh yeah. i saw dolly today and she told me to tell you hi.
- oh crap, that’s not a kidney stone.
- The last time I text and drove, I couldn’t remember which was the phone and which was the steering wheel.
- My boyfriend dumped me for a nice, comfy grave.
- I can’t believe I stayed up until 9 last nite!
- Baby, it’s not going to work out. I can’t remember our love. Literally.
- I went to the bathroom, in the bathroom! Best day ever!
- I finally got the chrome wheels to finish tricking out my walker. Ladies, here I come!
- When I said my heart stopped, I wasn’t being romantic.