There’s one more day in the contest for the world’s stupidest business ideas! If you want to get your entries in before voting starts, be sure to get them in before the November 17, 12:59 pm pst deadline.
I’ve decided to try and become an investigative reporter, so I’m going to practice my interviewing skills on common household items. I’ll have to answer the questions for them, since common household items don’t have the capacity for speech (as far as I know.) This is just practice for when I start talking to actual human interviewees.
Car: I’m here with a box of generic crayons. He’s brand new and holds four multiple colored crayons. So, Mr. Crayon box, how does it feel being a generic brand? Is it hard on your self esteem?
Crayon Box: First of all, I’m a female box of crayons. And to answer your question, it’s extremely hard on my self esteem to not have a well know name printed on my head. It’s also hard just being a small box of crayons. Those fancy 64 crayon boxes are always pushing me around. Hell, even the 24s, the16s and the 8s give me a hard time.
Car: I’m sorry to hear that. And I apologize for mistaking your gender. Is there a way to tell if a crayon box is male or female?
Crayon Box: Don’t worry about it. Only crayons boxes can tell the difference. It has to do with the way our boxes smell. And yes, crayon boxes do have noses. They’re part of our print.Only other crayons can see them.
Car: Interesting. So tell me, what exactly are your relationship to your crayons? Are they your children?
Crayon Box: Of course not! Crayon boxes give birth to other crayon boxes. Crayons are our tenants.
Car: Tenants? Do you get payed rent?
Crayon Box: Rent is a human term. Crayon Boxes are rented out in the factory. We have no say in the matter and receive no pay for our services. We are born to be boxes for crayons. It’s in our blood… well, in our cardboard.
Car: What happens to a crayon box after all the crayons have been used up?
Crayon Box: That’s a sensitive subject for us boxes. After the crayons are gone, we’re just tossed in the trash. Sometimes we’re tossed in the trash before the crayons have even been used! Kids may abuse their crayons, but it’s out of love. We’re torn up, tossed on the ground and stuffed in waste baskets, not out of love, but out of disrespect. We carry all those crayons safely to the hands of children and even adults across the world and all we have to show for it is mangled cardboard and a life rotting in a landfill.
-At this moment the crayon box made a sniffling sound.- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get so emotional.
Car: That’s quite okay. I just have one more question and you can go back to your drawer. If you could be anything in the world, what would you be?
Crayon Box: A crayon box. It’s the best job in the world. I just wish we got more respect.
Car: Thank you for your time, Miss Crayon Box. I hope the world learns from what you’ve told us today.
Miss Crayon Box will not be available for any more interviews. Shortly after this was recorded, I gave her to my niece for her birthday. After a series of cardboard related mishaps, Miss Crayon box now resides in a landfill on the outskirts of town and is not in the condition to answer any more questions.
I wish I’d discovered the joy of interviewing inanimate objects first so I could go down in history as a genius—like you…
I may try my hand at it though ’cause, so far, on my blog, I’ve only interviewed authors…
A few of them were interesting but none of them have grabbed my emotions like Miss Crayon Box….
If you interview inanimate objects, make sure you don’t interview alarm clocks. They tend to start yelling if you spend all night asking them questions.
Wow – this is hysterical!! Poor Ms. Crayon Box.
Yes, the plight of Crayon Boxes is seldom heard. And it makes me hysterical with tears too.
You did it again Car, you made me laugh and laugh and laugh, yet at the same time feel sad for the crayon box.
By the way, I’ve missed reading your blogs lately, where have you been hiding yourself?
Laughter is a sign of a deep emotional epiphany. My interview must have touched you so much that you could only express it through giggles. I’m so glad I could enlighten you.
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I just featured this post on my blog 🙂
Thanks, Alex!:) Did you tell everyone what a smart of serious guy I am?
This was SUPERB Car!!!!
I don’t know if I could ever throw another crayon box in the trash!!! lol The conversation seemed so real. Awesome writing!
I’m glad you liked my interview. I tried to make it as real as a conversation with an inanimate object could be. And if you don’t throw away your crayon boxes anymore, you can use them for a diorama about the Battle of the Bulge, just with boxy soldiers.